The Diaries of King Arthur: Part 3

9 Apr

This is part 3 in a series. If you missed out, start here.

INTRO: King Arthur having a breakdown/mid-life crisis is an idea I’ve been kicking around for a couple of years, and now I want to turn it into a screenplay. I’ve started these diaries as way of finding that story and the screenplay’s comedic voice.

WARNING: I know nothing about King Arthur. Oh, and the following may be EXPLICIT at times.

***The Diaries – Cont’d

15 of March, YooL, 605 AD

Good book,

My honor has been most hideously betrayed. I came to you at the behest of my wife (that she-whore of the devil)  and now I come to you to tell you that she hath run off with one of my knights.  Now the distance of Launcelot (that no-dicked bastard with a dogamother) is seen for the guilt it most surely was. I have thrown the marital relationship alchemist sorceress on the fastest ass this side of Rome and beseeched her never to return if she values her hands and eyes.

Is this what I get for trying to create a governing court of equals? Is this how my knights and wife repay me, to make me the cuckold? Perhaps I should have played the tyrant. Perhaps now I will take what women I please and treat all men as dogs!

I should throw you in the fire, book. But I find thy company the only one I can trust.  And oddly comforting. You are my only friend now.

(Editor’s Note (FLD): On the original parchment, there are marks that clearly denote tears.)

Oh lord, I miss her. And my best friend that pigfucker.

I am all alone.

(Editor’s Note (FLD): Ibid.)


One Response to “The Diaries of King Arthur: Part 3”

  1. Spencer (aka Boombox) August 17, 2010 at 10:48 #

    I have a lot of catching up to do.

    But the crossout of “my best friend” for pigfucker… brilliant. I also love that you write about King Arthur while knowing nothing about King Arthur. Because I find irreverence in certain sanctified areas to be hilarious.

    I think I may have recommended you see “Becket” with Richard Burton and Peter O’Toole. It seems like you’re doing a comedic take on the true nature of “gentlemen” of ancient times.

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