Poem: Lady Jupiter

8 Feb

Last night I dreamt that you were Jupiter, and I your moon, longing to hold you yet fearing I would be crushed in your embrace, and

I could feel you pull me, could feel you beg me to draw close, to be wrapped in your gentle arms, but I resisted, though

like Europa, I was full, broad-faced, open-minded; but how I could I comprehend your curves, when your body filled my vision to the exclusion of all else?

I knew that you were so small at the core of you, and that you had drawn close to you weightless hydrogen, oxygen, space dust, pieces of your brothers and sisters, in order to modestly clothe yourself, and

I knew these things should not be substantial. Yet your gravity makes them so; the ephemeral becomes concrete, near your core,

like this dream, the weight of which draws its power from my body, the one that lies heavy and sweat-ridden in my bed of twisted sheets, stone-like.

O Sultry Jupiter, I am powerless to resist, you draw me inevitably even as I beg you to let me stay locked in this sweet orbit.

Be careful, if you pull me into your crushing embrace, you will find me gone.

These moons that sing rounds about you are the few words that you know.

Be careful, lest you find yourself one day speechless.

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4 Responses to “Poem: Lady Jupiter”

  1. cxw February 8, 2010 at 20:07 #

    NOTES:

    Most of my poetry tends to feature short lines. I write poetry that way naturally, probably because its easier shape the rhythm and imagery that way. Once I first drafted this piece, I felt it was asking for longer sentences and phrasing, so I pushed myself to stretch things out as long as possible without losing craft or sense.

    As always, comments subjective and objective are welcome. Especially interested in hearing what sense and emotional tone you take away from the poem.

  2. jingle February 8, 2010 at 20:49 #

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  3. Mercy February 8, 2010 at 21:55 #

    I especially like the last two lines. The poem, and final couplet in general, remind me a bit of a Rumi or Hafiz poem with the Universal images turning back on the reader at the end.

  4. SW February 24, 2010 at 01:09 #

    “These moons that sing rounds about you are the few words that you know.” Very well said, love the play on words. Languid lines are good, didn’t expect it.

    I’d suggest, if you were interested in reworking, a third “Be Careful” – make it a theme rather than a one-time recurrence, maybe earlier on in another stanza, to play on the elliptical nature of the orbit getting closer and closer. And ending the last stanza in one line is great, maybe a slight restructuring so that stanzas get shorter and shorter, playing on the tension of the dangerously spiral-like orbit. I didn’t know you had the poetic inclinations, sir.

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